12 years

It's been 12 years to the day since my Grandma Estelle passed away. 12 years sounds hideously long. I feel like it's been forever and at the same time just yesterday. I miss her. It's still the only thing that can make me cry on cue. Anyway, I won't dwell because I hate this day each year and much prefer to celebrate her memory on her birthday in January so I'll just finish by sharing the speech I wrote and read at my wedding in August. After I read it, Sasha and I released two dozen monarch butterflies...each carrying a special wish just for her.

Miss you everyday, Grandma.

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"My grandma Estelle always made sure that I understood that anything I dreamed was within my reach. If I wanted it, I could make it happen.

For as long as I can remember, she would tell me how she couldn’t wait to someday dance at my wedding. It’s a funny thing to remember, but that’s how often she said it. I don’t even really know why it was so important to her to do it, but I never questioned it until I started planning my wedding.

On this completely perfect day, the only dark spot is that she isn’t here. I spent so much time trying to think of ways to make her presence here felt. An impossible task in the physical sense since she’s been gone for more than ten years now, but once again, if I wish for something, I never stop thinking of ways to make my wish a reality. However, it started to really hurt that I couldn’t make this one wish of hers come true like she’d always tried to make mine.

As all of you who know me well know – I research EVERYTHING so eventually I found my answer. Though I’m not a magician and know that nothing will ever be as perfect as having her here in the flesh, I got as close as I could.

There is an ancient Native American legend that essentially says that if anyone desires a wish to come true they must first capture a butterfly and whisper that wish to it. Since a butterfly can make no sound, the butterfly can not reveal the wish to anyone but the Great Spirit who hears and sees all. In gratitude for giving the beautiful butterfly its freedom, the Great Spirit always grants the wish.

So while my grandma isn’t here physically, I’ve made sure that her wish is granted dozens of times over. So when you see a butterfly here today, know that she’s dancing."